John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
