honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
