Is it because I queefed?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
