Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
