So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
