I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
