I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
