she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
