I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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