she woke up with a sticky ear
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
