anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
