I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
