So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
