I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
