I can text with my tongue
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
