it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
