I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
