can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
