Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
