Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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