I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
