I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
smell my finger.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
