No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
