Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
