Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
