I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize