im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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