Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
