Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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