This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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