Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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