Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
