Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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