Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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