We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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