She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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