Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
