Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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