I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
