There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
