he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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