I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
