i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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