She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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