i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
