Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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