Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
