HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize