no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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