Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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