i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
