operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
