Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize