your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
