Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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