I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
