Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
