He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
