spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
