I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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