I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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