I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
