She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
