Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
