I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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