I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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