i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
