Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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